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[19 Aug 2004|07:13pm] |
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i'm done with this journal. i've been frustrated with so many internet-related things and livejournal isn't worth it anymore, it's just one more thing to aggravate me. but, i'm not going to delete this journal, i'm just going to leave it here to rot. and i'm not going to update it or check on it anymore. it's just another annoying stupid thing that's part of the load. -sighs- bye.
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[07 Aug 2004|05:06pm] |
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 accomplished |
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Led Zeppelin 4 on shuffle. |
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I saw the Village with Rhiannon yesterday. Holy hell. Good movie. I almost peed my pants when stuff jumped out and stuff. But yeah, go see it, just don't get a large Coke and drink the whole freaking thing before the movie starts. I might force Michelle to go see it with me. She hasn't been to a movie in over three years.
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| A new age. |
[03 Aug 2004|05:04pm] |
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mood |
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accomplished |
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music |
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TV in the background. |
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Today commences a new age of Liz-dom. I will no longer be an introverted couch-potato (okay, maybe not). I'm going to be extroverted, and I'm going to give 100% effort to everything I do. Well, maybe not everything, but at least school anad roleplaying. I was thinking last night, after I came inside at like two in the morning, about how little I apply myself. If I want to get anywhere in life, I have to fucking do something. So I thought and thought until about three, and I decided to wake up in the morning and be a new person. Okay, not a new person, but the same old Liz who just tries harder and gets things done. So I'm going to compile a list of internet projects, at least, that I have to get done by mid-september, in order. This will need some revision because I know I'll remember some other things later. Okay, here we go:
1.) Steph's FFA website layout.
Finish by: AUGUST 16.
2.) Catch myself up (ICly and OOCly) with roleplaying.
Finish by: AUGUST 9.
3.) Super Secret RP project written information.
Finish by: SEPTEMBER 4.
4.) Super Secret RP project layout.
Finish by: SEPTEMBER 18.
My friends, you are witnessing a revolution.
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| ... |
[31 Jul 2004|05:02pm] |
guess what.
...
....
.....
TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!!!1!!`1~
now you must all lavish me with gifts. :D
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| % |
[18 Jul 2004|12:12pm] |
going away for TWO WEEKS today. camp then vacation. joy. don't miss me too much. and in the meantime...
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[13 Jul 2004|06:04pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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Led Zeppelin II |
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...i need something exciting to happen. like, mass hysteria...or something. hm. or maybe i'll just take online quizzes to cure my boredom. or maybe i should update my livejournal with an actual entry. naw, i'll just sit and decompose.
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[07 Jul 2004|04:50pm] |
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I found this in ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) lexa08's journal.
And I know it's July.
-----
"WINTER IN NEW ENGLAND"
60 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in New England plant gardens.
50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in New England sunbathe.
40 above zero:
Italian &English cars won't start.
People in New England drive with the windows down.
32 above zero:
Distilled water freezes.
Moosehead Lake's water gets thicker.
20 above zero:
NYers don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, woolhats.
People in New England throw on a flannel shirt.
15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in New England have the last cookout before it gets cold.
Zero:
People in Miami all die...
New Englanders close the windows.
10 below zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in New England get out their winter coats.
25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in New England are selling cookies door to door.
40 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in New England let the dogs sleep indoors.
100 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
New Englanders get frustrated because they "can't sta'aht the kah".
460 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale).
People in New England start saying..."Cold 'nufffor ya?"
500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Red Sox win World Series
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[05 Jul 2004|07:24pm] |
look. people care.
.../sarcasm.
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| Laziness. |
[02 Jul 2004|02:53pm] |
I haven't updated in a while, mainly because I need a new LJ layout. I don't know enough about LJ layouts to make a decent one. And I'm lazy.
So does anyone, seriously, want to make me a nice LJ layout? Credit and such will obviously be given to whoever makes one.
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| Survey |
[02 Jul 2004|02:53pm] |
| ·· Basic Info | </td>| Current Time: | 2:45 PM. | | Name: | Liz. | | Age: | 13. | | Gender: | Female. | | Location: | Massachusetts. | | Political Affiliation [Democrat, Republican, etc.]: | Democrat. | | Sexual Preference [Heterosexual, homosexual, etc.]: | Heterosexual. | | Religious Belief [Atheist, Christian, Muslim, Wiccan, etc.]: | Atheist. | | ·· Social Issues: Against, For, Unsure — Feel free to explain your stance. | </td>| Abortion: | Not sure. | | Pornography: | Against the pop-ups. | | Same-sex Marriage: | Sure. | | Sex Before Marriage: | If it's responsible, so basically, against. | | Smoking in Public Places: | Against smoking in general. | | Violence in the Media, Regulation of: | Against. | | ·· Legal Issues: Against, For, Unsure — Feel free to explain your stance. | </td>| Capital Punishment: | Against. | | Curfews for Kids + Teenagers: | For, as long as they're reasonable. | | Gun Control: | For. | | Legalization of Marijuana: | Against. | | Legalization of Other Illegal Substances: | Against. | | Racial Profiling: | Not sure. | | *What should the legal drinking age be?: | Against drinking in general. | | *What should the legal driving age be?: | 16 | | *What should the legal smoking age be?: | Against smoking in general. Cancer sticks. | | ·· Politics: State your opinion on the topic or person in question. | </td>| Federal Social Embetterment Programs [i.e. Welfare]: | For. | | Flag Burning [Other than flag retirement ceremonies]: | For, it's freedom of speech. | | President George W. Bush [R]: | Against, against, FUCKING AGAINST. | | 'Under God' in the Pledge of Allegiance: | Stronly against. | | United Nations: | For. | | Senator John Kerry [D-MA]: | For! | | War on Terror, Afghanistan: | Against all wars, in spite of the cause. | | War on Terror, International Effort: | Against all wars, in spite of the cause. | | War on Terror, Iraq: | Against all wars, in spite of the cause. | | *What should the legal voting age be?: | 18. | | ·· Education: State your opinion on the topic in question. | </td>| Homeschooling: | For. | | Prayer in Public Schools: | Stronly against. | | Requiring Teachers to Pass Competency Tests: | For. | | Saying the Pledge of Allegiance in Public Schools: | It should be optional. | | Teaching Evolution in Public Schools: | FOR, FOR, FOR, FOR. -waves around a Darwin flag- | | ·· Medical Ethics: Against, For, Unsure — Feel free to explain your stance. | </td>| Assisted Suicide: | Not sure. | | Cloning Humans: | Not sure. | | Cloning Other Animals: | Not sure. | | Genetic Engineering [Genetic modification of food]: | Not sure. | | Organ Donation: | For. | | Stem Cell Research: | Not sure. | | ·· Environmental Issues: State your opinion on the topic in question. | </td>| De-forestation: | Against. | | Drilling for Oil in Alaska: | Against. | | Eating Meat: | Against, even though I do. x__x; | | Global Warming: | Against, but you can't really control that. | | Nuclear Power: | For. | | Stricter Penalties for Pollution: | For. | | Stricter Regulations to Reduce Pollution: | For. | | Violence by Environmental Activists: | Against. | | ·· Grand Finale | </td>| Current Time: | 2:52 PM | | Time Elapsed Since You Started: | 10 minutes. |
The Great Opinions Survey brought to you by BZOINK!
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| stolen from rhia- |
[13 Jun 2004|12:43am] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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music |
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TV |
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Type your username with your:
nose: nifty-lixsxsur-74
elbow: jhuuigbvgt?"""""""""",kjmn xccx hjnygdc/.
tongue: nigfy'0kiuxxr7
chin: jhuuityyytlisddg90--
feet: mjnmhuijgyhujujhy-
eyes closed and one finger: nifty]=;ophbky[-ligb
back of your hand: jnmkigyjk-lioxxkidc_673
palm: vijhcgfg-jkbhghc
wrist: nkifyg_klkiv cvfjmngb_l.hyjn
...fucking underscores.
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| - |
[08 Jun 2004|07:21am] |
If there were anything half decent going on in my life rigt now, I'd mention it. But there is nothing nice to come home to anymore, or nothing nice to go out to anymore, or nothing nice to see anymore, or nothing nice to motivate me anymore. Every single fucking retarded thing I'm doing has no payoff, and it hurts. It pisses me off, you know? I wish I could say that every day after school I just went home, and every weekend was free. But it's not like that. I have no free time, and that's not exactly helping my mental state. I'm a fucking wreck, and I need someting to hold onto to motivate me.
Still do.
Still do.
Still fucking do.
So, yeah. Anyway. To my sudden "surprise", yesterday my chorus teacher rescheduled (I butchered that word. >>) our vocal ensemble rehearsal (sp?) for today, because "not enough people could make it on Moday." BULLSHIT. She shouldn't be letting them miss so many rehearsals and get away with it, because if she yerlls at me for missing one a year, she shouldn't let those retards miss every other one. It wouldn't bother me if they weren't the only ones, apparently, entitled to miss rehearsals. So now I'm stuck with vocal today and synchro, and it's not going to be fun. I woke up and cried today just because of it, and I'm fucking as hell pissed of beyond human comprehension. I'd rather just blow everything off today and go back to sleep. And you know what else? I get nothing for doing this, not even in the long run. I thought it would look good to do all this shit for private school applications and stuff, but it didn't, because I guess I'm "not fit for those kinds of schools." Then why do I keep doing this?
My parents, they're being retarded, too, or they don't care. It's always "Liz you're beng dramatic. Liz, we're seriously going to revise your schedual next year. Liz, I just couldn't care less about you so I'm twisting everything to make it your fault." They make it so everything is my fault, that it's my fault for doing all these things. Yeah, it's my fault, but I have to do these things all the time, they just don't get it. If I quit all my stupid activities right now, what would I have? nothing, I'd have to start from the beginning and go through highschool a boring, ,worn out mess. One word.
C-O-L-L-E-G-E.
But I'm getting off track. In essence, I'm stuck with no free time anymore, and when I do have free time, I'm pissed off because of one thing or another. And school, well, that's just one more giant thing in the way of my happiness that's making me want to fucking die.
fuck, I have to go to fucking school now, FUN FVOIHDLAKG gbgui zth ed5t
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| stolen from rhiannons |
[07 Jun 2004|10:42pm] |
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mood |
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sore |
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current clothing: white tanks top, black sweatpants
current mood: worn out
current taste: .....?
current hair: down
current annoyance: FUCKING GOD FUCKING DAMNED FUCKING SCHOOL.
current smell: cereal. is that a smell?
current thing you ought to be doing: why even ask. anything but this, I have promised to do.
current jewelry: does an elastic around my wrist count?
current book: angels and demons
current refreshment: absolutely nothing on this fucking planet
current worry: that I might die of exauhstion
current crush: none
current favorite celebrity: John Mayer
current longing: to see my school go up in flames
current music: TV
current lyric in your head: the chanting of my head telling me to go to sleep
current makeup (if you're a girl!): None
current undergarments: uh...purple. yeah.
current regret: nothing. I'm just mad at people, and solely people
current desktop picture: 'Red Moon Desert'
current plans for tonight/weekend: tonight - nothing. tomorrow- synchro and vocal. FUCKING JOY. wednesday - over Michelle's, like always. thursday - nothing. probably Michelle's. Friday - I hope something half decent, maybe shopping. Or maybe synchro. JOY. Saturday - arts festival concert, day-long synchro show. sunday - synchro. joy.
current cuss word du jour: FUCKING HELL.
current disappointment: humanity
current amusement: TV
current IM/person you're talking to: Uhm, probably Nicole
current love: sleep
current obsession: sleep/free time
current avoidance: school
current thing or things on your wall: posters, pictures, etc.
current favorite book: Da Vinci Code
current favorite movie: uhm....pass?
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| not again... |
[07 Jun 2004|09:26pm] |
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mood |
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pessimistic |
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I've made a nice, well thought out decision today about roleplaing in general. It's done so much more damage than any good to me, so it's gotta end.
I am giving myself 2 weeks at MM, and if I don't feel any more motivation, inspiration or happiness there, I'm quitting June 21. And I'm going to be frank with my reasoning, too, because I really need to let it out. My character at MM has gotten nowhere, and I mean NO FUCKING WHERE. She's making me angry, and just gloomy in general, because of her progression, or lack thereof. And I get so fucking jealous, yannow? Of certain places, of certain people, or certain abilities, and so forth. Not just at MM, but other places, too. Some people get more attention than others, and I don't want to even get into that, it's too... yeah. But, I'm not happy there, and it's not just because of other people, it's because of my laziness and other things. Little things really irk me and put me in a bad mood, and I feel neglected/stupid/retarded/useless, and stuff. Just...ugh. I'm giving myself two weeks.
Now, LC. I'm giving myself until my birthday there, and the progression of a board is easier to see, so if things don't shape up by July 31, I'm leaving LC. I can't put up with seeing everyone's work go to waste, and I've seen this in boards. It'll die soon, it's normal, but I don't want to keep frustrating myself with it all. Period.
Okay, one place I don't think I want to quit is LoM. I don't know, it's weird, but I love it there, even though I'm not active there. Something there...it just feels right. It just feels like everyone's more equal there, and I like it. I can't even explain it, I just like the feeling of being htere more than I do at any RP.
I'm giving myself until July 31 with roleplaying, and if I don't feel any better by then, I'm done. it's done too much damage to make up for.
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| fuck this. all of this. |
[02 Jun 2004|07:38am] |
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depressed |
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null |
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I feel dead. It's always around this time of year that I feel completely worn out and tired of school, and then I realize I still have a month left of it. I could seriously kill myself right now. I'd rather bore a hole in my skull than go to school again. I don't even know what's so horrible about it, either. We're not overworked, but we're not underworked, and I still don't know. I think it's the people, but, whatever.
Whatever it is, I could have less of it.
So, I'm sitting here, on the verge of tears again, just...waiting. I have to leave in fifteen minutes or so and I just want to fucking stay home. My parents aren't helping, my friends are helping, no one is helping. My Mum has no sympathy for my depression and My Dad kind of doesn't know what to say. Friends seem like they couldn't care less, and some of them just think it's funny. I feel like fucking shit, and I fucking want to stay the fucking hell home. I'd rather seriously be fucking shot than go to that Hellhole one more fucking god damned time.
Maybe it's just the prospect of the school day and what shit I have to do after that's killing me. Sounds about right. But I think there's more.
When I come home, I can't just do my homework and go to bed all la-dee-da. I'll come home from a long day and look at the computer. I WANT TO BURN THIS THING. Roleplaying sucks ass. Whoever looks at this and isn't already a roleplayer, don't start. You think it's all about the writing at first, but then people form their own little groups and cling to certain people, shunning the rest. I'm fed up with it. I'm fed up with life.
FUCKING HELL I HATE THIS.
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| -SPAZ- |
[29 May 2004|04:26pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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music |
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Barry McGuire - Eve of Destruction |
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Want to hear about my week? Sure you do.
Saturday-Sunday: Went to Connecticut with the team and read the Da Vinci Code there. GOODFUCKINGGOODGODDAMNEDBOOK! Read it. >o; We swam on Sunday with a 67.somethingsomethingsomething as a score, and we're going to Indiana for Nationals this summer! I'm leaving the day after school gets out. Hah. Meaning I'm skipping the last day of school to...."pack". Elle and I almost got a $300.00 fine for taking a shower. Knox = bad.
Monday: Slept. Can't remember anything. I went to school, though. Still slept. Skipped vocal.
Tuesday: Synchro. Enough said.
Wednesday: Breathed. Slept. Michelle's. Violin.
Thursday: Went over Michelle's and went out to dinner at Uno's, with my multi-colored toenails and fingernails. Whee. x)
Friday: Skipped school for no apparent reason, and slept until about 1 PM or so. Went over Elle's after that, and we went to her Mum's friend's party for two or so hours. We played ping pong in the basement with sped rackets and tennis balls, making complete idiots of ourselves when the hot kid came down. x____x;
After that we went to the dance at the Ipswich Rec Center. T'was fun, actually, I was being stalked by a couple of guys but after a while I just...freaked out at them and blew them off, cursing excessively as I went. Paul was being an ASSHOLE, I wanted to fucking slap his fucking face and leaving a fucking SCAR.
They played Led Zeppelin as their last song. :D
Today: Went to the movies with Elle and a few of her friends, AJ, Brett and Erica. We saw Shrek 2, instead of A Day After Tomorrow, which I WANT TO GOD DAMNED SEE. But, oh well. Came home, ate, and now I'm sitting here. Going to the mall soon...
Yay for me.
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| OMG HI! |
[26 May 2004|09:40pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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music |
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maroon 5 - she will be loved |
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<3 to EVERYONE. I LOVE YOU GUYS.
...most likely.
BUT STILL.
<3
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| Screw you? |
[18 May 2004|10:36pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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music |
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the rain |
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I read something at Souls that made me think a little bit today, so tell me if you make anything of it, or if it matters. The original thread is here, if anyone's interested in reading it.
------you and me------
" I hope you guys don't mind me butting in, because I haven't even read everything you've all said, and I might be an idiot who completely repeats everything everyone already stated. I got the point after a few posts. But I really couldn't resist jumping in here, because it comforts me to know I'm not the only one on the planet that thinks something is fucking wrong with the world. People just seem to not want to admit it.
Well, I'm not going to go into the politics and current events and whatnot, because it's all derived from something, right? I read what Sie said, and I agree. What in hell is driving the world to do this? I seriously cry and scream and hide in my room and talk to myself about the problems in the world, nearly every day, if not a few times a week, babbling on and on about something I can't even change. I've done it since I was a little kid, since before anyone could even understand what was going on around them. Simple things, like people making fun of other people, and executions....I never found out what the acting force behind these atrocities were. And it made me angry to know that I couldn't do anything and that people could never change. Why? I hated them for that.
I couldn't care less about the world right now, frankly, and I'm considered a bad person because of that. All I've wanted to do is find out why. I used to blame it on arrogance, on power, on other people, on anything, but it's not true. People change from childhood to adulthood because of ideas that are fed to them throughout their youth, whether it be taught to them or discovered by them, they still change like that. The problem with America...no, the world, is that people don't do what they tell their five-year-olds to do. 'treat others the way you would like to be treated.' That doesn't mean anything anymore. 'violence doesn't solve anything.' That doesn't mean anything anymore. No matter what the people who see the indecencies of the world try to preach, it doesn't get through to anyone. They keep doing what they do.
Why? Just god fucking damned why?
It makes me sick, you know? It makes me ball my eyes out until I go to sleep and until I find myself running to my parent's room like I did when I was little. People just make me sick to the point where I want to ring their necks. I want to see them pay for what they've done and I want to make sure they come to a realization. Maybe that's it, maybe people get frustrated with everyone else to the point where they've become one of them. I don't know, I'll never know.
Okay, let's use September 11 as an example. Normal day in school. Boring, unmotivated and blah. As usual. Until we get dismissed from class and get called to one of the classrooms where the grade meets and one of our teachers announces what happens. By then, people are crying and I'm bloody fucking pissed off. I wanted to storm out of the room and cry or something, and then I want to fix things. But I can't. I wish I could. I went home and cried and I think my Dad cried, and my Mum cried, and I yelled because I was just so angry with everyone that was involved with flying the planes into the World Trade Centers. What little incentive was enough to make them do this? I got answers, sure, but dumb answers. 'They are Muslim extremists and blah blah blah they disagree with what America is doing to the world and blah blah blah.' I believed it for about a second, then I realized how stupid that was. Maybe that was why, but what was really why? What made their religion so twisted that they went to such a point? I didn't think religion was that bad. But I guess it had to be.
After all of that, just that one incident, I was still frustrated with people. And I gave up on them. And I moped around and cried and cursed and yelled. And I realized how useless that was, and how useless everything was, and how useless anything I said was. 'You can make a difference!' I only wish I could.
I have nothing else to say. "
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| one of those days |
[12 May 2004|07:23am] |
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mood |
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anxious |
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music |
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Nothing |
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Today is one of those days, right? Where I wake up and have nothing done at all, and I'm just sitting there n my pajamas like an idiot when I should be working on anything but updating my journal. Schoolwork, posting, whatever, I just shouldn't be here. It would be lovely to stay home from school today, but I think we have an assembly thing so it really doesn't matter, right? I'll probably just sleep through it anyway.
Yeah, okay. I had a very uneventful week. Oh yeah, our meet on sunday... we sucked ass, but that really doesn't matter, considering we automatically qualified. I'm just...ugh. I have to go to a shitload of extra practices in the next two weeks, and we still only have five or so full practices before regionals. From there, granted we qualify, we go to Nationals. Ugh. Gotta go get ready now... maybe I'll get into more detail later...
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